No, I don't want to volunteer at the bake sale

Saturday, March 30, 2013


I don't want to volunteer at the bake sale, spring fling, or anything else to do with my child's pre-school.  I don't want to bake cupcakes, pies or breads.  I don't want to sit and sell my germ-infested cupcakes (the kind where your kid licks her hands while doing the frosting and sprinkles for you) for 4 hours on a perfectly wonderful Saturday.  A Saturday....that I should be spending quality time with my family. 

I don't want to help do "Spring Cleaning" at the school.  I'm already late on the clean fest at my own damn house - why would I clean yours first?!

And I definitely don't want to volunteer in the classroom and help 2 perfectly capable teachers watch my kid and 14 others.  Other kids with snotty-noses, poopy diapers and temper tantrums.

I know I should want to -- like all of the other nice mommies, but I don't.

I signed my kid up for a progressive pre-school.  The emphasis is on learning through play and real life exepriences with little interference from teachers.  The progressive theory thrives on community/parent involvement.  That's it in a nutshell.  You're not going to see teachers holding up flashcards of ABC's and 123's.  You will NOT hear any teachers say, "Good Job!" to any of the pre-K students - it's against their theory.

So....community involvement really means...parent involvement.  Let me tell you - the reason I put my kid in pre-school started off as very selfish reasons.  I wanted more quality, alone time with my younger child.  I feel like having my kids back to back deprived the little one of my attention.  AND...the big reason I enrolled my older darling in pre-school is because I wanted to work more.  Soooooo.. here we are at this progressive, hippy-dippy school and they want my time.

As a busy mom of two, I'm pretty selfish about my time.

ANNNDD...excuse me, last time I checked, I PAY you people to entertain/teach my kid.  Why do I need to be there?

So as soon as we got older darling signed up with said hippy dippy school - I learned that my involvement was apparently mandatory.  I didn't know the extent of involvement before I signed on the dotted line....how convenient for the school.

They demand that parents attend the pre-school as "room parents." As in, you volunteer your morning to come help the pre-school.  Parents are supposed to help hold down the classroom, set up crafts, set up snacks and clean up after the little brats.

Who the hell in the right mind, who is PAYING for pre-school wants to hang out in the classroom as a volunteer?!  I don't see my husband rushing to take a day off from work anytime soon to "help out in the classroom." So why should I? 

I'm sorry, it makes about zero sense.

And on top of it, when I don't sign up for "room parent" duty - these bitches get mad.  I'm like, dude, what the fuck, I work part-time, and pay for this shit - I don't need to be here.

Then.....ughh...I get those emails from the admins of the pre-school...."Parents! Come help at our school's bake sale! We need volunteers and you could help us make money for our pre-school!"

Ummm...okay - that's yourrrrr job.

My kid is like 3-years old - what the fuck do I care if the pre-school makes money?  She seems very happy, and is thriving in the bare minimum school you are currently providing.

I'm sorry, our basic needs are simple - we want socialization for my kid, some toys and guidance (teachers that make sure the kids don't end up dead).

That's it!

So, despite all of the judging looks I received from the involved parents - I remain steady.  I will NOT volunteer.  I have causes that I actually give a shit about (that I dedicate my time and money to), but other than that - I don't care.

Why do I have to be the PTA parent in training while my kid is 3-years old?

Over it, stop asking me pre-K.  I'm saving myself for PTA in the big leagues and driving my kids back and forth to various extra-curricular activities for the rest of my ever-living life.

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