12 Things That Should be on my 2015 New Year's Resolutions List, But Aren't




I'm not a big fan of New Year's Resolutions.  I actually despise them.  I think you can make a resolution any time of the year.  And I think the time NOT to do it is New Year's because it's too cliche and it sets you up for failure with all of this "new year, new you" pressure bullshit.

Truth be told, we can all better ourselves.  Every damn day we can do a little something to make our bodies healthier, our minds smarter, our bonds stronger, our souls deeper.

Also, how motivating is it to make a resolution to better yourself in the dead of winter?  Why not spring? The metaphor is there.  Spring is new beginnings, things are growing, it's warm, it's approaching bathing suit season.  How can I lose weight starting New Year's Day when it's fucking freezing outside (so, no thanks on that run)? Or start a diet?  The produce in season during winter months are dates and brussels sprouts!! Who wants to diet with those produce options?!  How could I quit smoking in the dead of winter - when there's a short supply of Vitamin D?  It seems cruel to have New Year's in the winter.  I'd like New Year's for the whole world to be moved to Spring.

That was a tangent, tell all your friends #NewYearsSpring2016.

Moving on..

Here's what should be on my New Year's Resolutions List, but isn't:

1. Stop smoking. For real. Not really. I smoke a couple of times a week.  I know smoking is horrible. So just leave me alone in my heinous habit.

2. Stop drinking so much.  Like maybe twice a week. And cap it at 2 glasses dammit. But, the buzz is so much better at 3 glasses.

3. Start cleaning my bathrooms once a week.  Wiping down with disinfectant wipes whenever I think of it, doesn't count.  But those wipes DO kill germs, and who has time for all of this cleaning bullshit?

4. Volunteer more.  Work more.  Get ready to think I'm the biggest selfish bitch.  Women are constantly nurturing.  We are constantly the ones (majority) that volunteer our time to causes.  We feel so obligated to do free work all of the time, that we don't focus enough on getting paid for our time.  I will volunteer when the time is right.  I understand it's an invaluable experience.  I've volunteered for causes in the past. But, right now, I just don't have time, and I can't beat myself up over it.

5. Start trying to make friends in the suburbs.  I can't. I don't like them.  **Except my little German and Brazilian clique of moms.  You know who you are.  You are my sanity in Suburbia.

6. Start playing more with my kids.  I'm unsure of what the right amount of quality time with your kids is.  I mean, is it a few hours a week?  An hour or two a day?  I don't know.  I can't possibly play with them every time they ask - or nothing would get done.  I'm tabling this one until 2016, or until I see some other parent do it better than me.

7. Stop looking at my iPhone fifty-thousand times a day. It's my new found love.  And judge how you'd like, but smart phones and social media has changed my professional and personal life for the better.  Things are always moving fast on social media, and I gotta keep up at all times.  The one exception - dinner with my husband.  He has requested I not pick up my phone, not even to glance at - to which I will oblige.

8. Start washing my face EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.  I aim for 4 nights out of 7. You mean to tell me that $70 wrinkle cream doesn't work at all if I skip a couple of nights?! That's horse shit.

9. Start drinking more water. I can't.  I wish I could.  But, I pee once an hour already. That doesn't even count the times I have to go to the bathroom to poop.  I simply can't be in the john for any more hours a day.

10. Stop canceling plans so much.  This would seem like a good resolution - like stop being late or something.  But, I gotta tell ya - every time I make plans that I don't really want to do, that I'm not 100% feeling good about - I have a horrible time and end up regretting saying 'yes' in the first place.  I'll regret taking precious time away from my kids to do some shit I don't want to do, I'll regret the time I lost from other things I should be doing like working, laundry or sleeping, or .... lets be honest ... sitting on my ass watching marathons of "Scandal" on Netflix. I'll regret turning my good mood, into a bad mood. Ugh, I always say 'yes' in the beginning because it sounds okay initially, or I'm just trying to be polite.

11. Save money.  My sister is getting married this year....a destination wedding. We'll save the 'saving' for another year.

12. Enjoy life more. I have a 3 and 4-year old. I'm pretty sure there's like some sort of enjoyment cap on life when you have two young kids. It's called obliteration of self folks, so I imagine the real fun (like the carefree kind), comes later.


What should be on your 2015 New Year's Resolutions list, but isn't? Leave in my comments section, facebook me, or tweet me!


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