Please, Don't Make me go to Brunch on Mother's Day

Does this sound like your brunch?

Moooommmm I don't want fruit first.

Why do I have to eat eggggggggsssss???

I jussssttt wannnttt a baaaaageeelll mommmmyyyyy!!!

She's hiiitttttiiinnnngggg mmmeeeee!!!

Yeah, no thanks.  I'd rather stab myself with a fork....repeatedly.  And no thanks on the flowers.  Cuz you know, those die right?

Brunch and flowers can't negate the other 364 days of shitty diapers, constant complaining, loads of laundry, piles of dishes and chauffeuring to extracurricular activities.  Brunch can't perk up my saggy boobs.  Or my spit-up on spirits.  Flowers can't fix how fucking annoying it is to make dinner for my kids every night, only to have them complain and say, "I'm not hungry anymore."  Flowers can't make the fact that you request snacks every second, suck any less.

But, I do have some gifts in mind that can temporarily numb the nagging.  No, not drugs silly!  (But, that is a good idea).

Here's my Top 10 List of Mother's Day Gifts that don't involve the obligatory brunch.

1. A night on the town with girlfriends.  The babysitter should arrive early so I can get a blow out, maybe a spray tan and pick out an outfit.  Basically, I want to look and feel like a real human being.  The babysitter needs to spend the night, cuz mama's drinkin' and wakin' up hung a HOTEL.

2. A spa day.  Six solid hours at the spa.  If the spa has an outdoor pool - mama will require 8 hours of relaxation.  Babysitter needed.  If that's too much, a mani-pedi down the street at the quickie salon is always accepted.

3. Tickets to a musical or theatre performance.  Disney on Ice and the circus do NOT count.  Babysitter needed.  I have no problem, going ALONE.

4. A bottle of expensive wine - and a babysitter.

5. A kick ass handbag.  Preferably one that has been pinned on my personal Pinterest board or inconspicuously torn out of last month's Vogue magazine. 

6. Shoes.  See directions above.

7. A cleaning company visit to make our house sparkle and shine.

8. A book you think I'd like.

9. Something hand-made from the children.  I'm a sucka for kiddie art.

10. Okay, okay, fine, brunch.  I love brunch!  I love bacon, frittatas, pancakes and seas of syrup.  But, grown-up brunch.  Babysitter, champagne and Uber required.

What do you want for Mother's Day?  If money and babysitters grew on trees - what would your dream Mother's Day look like?

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