Do you have kids close in age? Be prepared to answer these questions in public. Every. Damn. Day.

Monday, August 3, 2015



I had my kids back-to-back.  Anyone who does this back-to-back birth thing on purpose is a gawd damn lunatic.

Mine were accidents....errrrr....surprises, whatever you call it when in the heat of the moment you and your husband decide not to "pull it out and pray."  Passion equals pregnancy, ya hurd me?

My girls are 16-months apart.  And wow - can we say HORRIFYING?

I've had two babies not walking, two babies not talking, two babies in diapers, two babies that can't totally feed themselves, and two babies with erratic sleep patterns.

Being pregnant and having babies for two years was about as enjoyable as stabbing myself in the eye with a number two pencil.

Now, they're older, and we, as a family are past all that hard (really fucking hard), baby bullshit.

We now have new challenges.  Like, intrusive questions and comments asked and made by random people out in public.

Just like Australian mom, Annie Nolan who posted a picture of her twin girls holding a sign with answers to all of the overly-intrusive and exhausting questions she gets in public about twins - I came up with a list of questions I always get asked.

Irish twin mamas and mamas with kids less than 2-years apart- ya feel me on these?

1. Are they twins?   No, they're just close in age.

2. Really, they look so much alike, not twins? Um, no, I would know.

3. Irish twins?  Still, no.

4. Is your family Catholic? I can see how your religious stereotypes are trying to put me in some type of breeding box to help you better understand why I would do this to myself.

5. Do they have the same mom/dad? I mean, we never got a DNA test, but I'm pretty sure my two very similar looking children have me and their dad as parents.

6. Did you want to have kids close in age?  I'll answer your question, with a question.  Who fucking does this shit on purpose?  No really, go find them, I want to see if they're sane.

7. Were you taking birth control?  Yes, our preferred method was "Pull it Out and Pray."  Except those two times I got pregnant.

8. Did your body have a chance to heal from the first birth? Wait, do you mean down there?  Lucky for you boo, my vagina was untouched, c-sections sista. But, let me just lift up my shirt for you to show you my stomach -  it looks like it got ran over by a semi-truck, then squeezed by barbed wire and cut by a butcher.

9. How could you have another baby now - the kids wouldn't all be close together?  I'm pretty sure that's our concern, But, if you must know - we won't be having another kid, and we can't.  My husband is snipped for this exact reason.

10. Me and my sister are X number of months apart.  We're super close.  Are your girls close?
Yes, they love each other.  Except when they're fighting over a broken, cheap Happy Meal toy.  Then they hate each other.  Just like regular 'ol siblings.

11. You think they'll be close when they grow up?  I can't predict the future, but I hope so.  If you have a crystal ball, let me know wassup.

12.  You must've had your hands full for awhile there, huh?! Yes, still do. One of which always seems to be full with alcohol.

What intrusive questions or comments do you get about your kids?

Share in the comments section below.



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3 comments:

  1. I have five kids. They're all less than two years apart. (Ages: 11, 10, 8, 6, & 4). The first 4 were on purpose (oops). My kids happen to look like clones of each other, but every stranger on the planet asks "Are they ALL yours????) every single day. Who else takes 5 kids to the grocery store?
    I also get the catholic question, too. I just nod and say, "Yes. This is my Christian army of God." Lol

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  2. Me and my childhood friend are a year apart and her mom used to babysit me while my mom worked. She would get ALL of these at the store. One day a real snooty woman cpmmented, "Well, you had them close together didn't you?" Her reaction? "Yep! And it sure was fun!"

    Not related by blood at all, but I think she's the reason why I've always loved sarcasm... lol

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  3. Okay, THAT is a great story! I love it.

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