This One Goes Out to (Childfree) Besties Everywhere

Tuesday, August 25, 2015


She goes to coffee dates with me - and my kids.  Which makes her some sort of saint.

She orders beautiful lattes with the most intricate designs - I ain't got time for froo froo.  Coffee goals - GET 'ER DONE.

I order two chocolate milks with a coffee (2 extra shots of espresso please).

The differences in our lives - surface subtly in our coffee orders.

She’s my kid’s auntie.  Not ANT-EY. AAaauuuuunnntie.  There’s a difference.

She showers them with gifts for every occasion (and non-occasions).  Whereas I don’t even let myself be talked into the $1 aisles at Target.

She buys them the best clothes – because she doesn’t think it’s absurd to spend more than $10 on items like - Guess jean baby shorts, or DKNY rhinestone shirts, or a super-hero pink velvety cape from the coolest, bookstore in town.

Whereas I opt for “play” inspired separates that can be thrown away if the mud stains don’t come out, or a hole pops up or someone poops their very “playful” pants.

She let’s them eat three bowls of Cheerios for breakfast.  I would’ve shut it down at two bowls. Probably one.

She let’s them watch movies in the morning.  And in the afternoon.  And at night – as long as they ask nicely.  Whereas I monitor screen time like a prison warden. Moms, I know you mentally tally the minutes spent in front of the tube every single day.

She lets them play with her very expensive smart phone.  Mine is on lock. And has an ugly Otter Box.

She gives into their requests to change princess dress up clothes fifty-million friggin' times.  I pretend to not know where the princess dress up clothes are. Sometimes I tell the kids the dress up clothes have disappeared.

She lets them skip naps.  And the kids think she's an angel sent from heaven because of it.  Whereas, First Commandment of Motherhood: 1. Thou shall not skip naptime or all hell will break lose.

She listens to my kids’ deepest secrets, reassuring them that she’ll never say a word to anyone.  And then she dutifully (and rightfully) tells mommy and daddy.

She checks in when my kids are sick. 

She takes pictures of them, when my hands are too full of kids, snacks and baby wipes to hold a camera.

She forces me to get out of the house, when I so desperately need to.

It’s true, she doesn’t have children.   

I understand that a great deal of Aunties want to be moms.  And would do anything to clean up kid crap and never sleep again.  

But, there are also Aunties that don’t ever want kids.

Either way, these childfree besties choose to be by our sides.  To stand by our kids at this moment in their lives.

Even if she doesn’t fancy sharing her time with snot-nosed, selfish monsters.  Hell, I DON'T LOVE SHARING MY TIME WITH THESE FOOLS!

Even if she doesn't love walking into germ cesspools AKA my house.

Even if she doesn't love listening to me whine about how I worry 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 

Or if she can't relate when I talk about how exhausted I am from a night of teething cries or colic.
 
Or how I'm tired for six solid months with a newborn in the house.  Seriously, six months solid - NO SLEEP.

She doesn't know what it's like to clean a house, and have it destroyed in five minutes.

She can't feel the constant heart ache that plagues all parents. As a parent your heart is always aching for good and bad reasons.

She doesn’t know what it’s like to have someone interrupt her when she’s peeing, pooping, talking on the phone, showering and working.  She doesn’t know how annoying it is when kids interrupt Facebook time. Precious Facebook time! 

She doesn’t know what it’s like to have her body, her house, her job, her (possible) marriage, actually ALL of her relationships hijacked by tiny, needy human beings.

She may not know what these things feel like.  But, she chooses to care about it, because you care about it, mama.

Your childfree bestie still chooses to be your friend.  She chooses to understand and sympathize with your situation, even if she can’t totally empathize.  Even if she never wants to relate, or so painfully wishes she could relate.

She makes an effort.  She makes a damn effort with you.  She makes a damn effort with your kids.

And while it's hard sometimes to carve time out for her, .....shit, for your damn self, you should try. Even if you have to cancel a couple of times because your kid got sick, or the babysitter cancelled. Try, try again. Don't try because you're afraid that she'll get sick of being there for you one day.  Try, because she won't get sick of it.  She'll always be there for you.  As you should for her, because (childfree) besties are the best.

Anyone mamas have a childfree bestie?  What is your friendship like?  Why do you love her?

Share in the comments section below.

Or tell me on my Facebook page, or TWEET me.

2 comments:

  1. I almost cried from reading this. My so-called "bestie" ditched me when I dared to have a baby before her. We've barely spoken since I got pregnant last year and she has only been to see my baby 3 times (2 of those times because our other friend made her come). She has been my friend for over 20 years and now she doesn't visit/call/text or even "like" posts on Facebook. She has no problem spending ample time with her ex-husband's best friend and his wife and kids but can't make time for me. Who knew my "bestie" was a douche? I wish I had someone like you do to care the way she does. You're very lucky.

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  2. Awwww, I'm sorry this made you think of your douchey ex-bestie.I've found that once I had children, there was definitely some thinning out in the friend department. I was pretty lonely there for awhile. Especially, because I was the first one among my peers to have kids. But, then I met "mommy" friends. Some of which I stay very close with now. So there's always a way to make a new bestie! I am lucky. My bestie is too - my kids and me are a good catch! ;)

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