10 Reasons Summer As a Work-At-Home Mom SUCKS SWEATY BALLS

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

“We’re going to go strawberry picking, then go to the pool and then we’re going catch fireflies!”

This is me the first morning of summer vacation.

My daughters are 4 and 6-years old.

“Are we leaving now?” the older one asked.

“Well, not quite, I have some work to finish up on my computer, then we can go.”

“Can we watch TV?” the younger one asked.

I hesitated. Cringed. Hemmed and hawed.

Oh screw it, what else am I supposed to do?! I have deadlines LOOMING!! FUCK SCREEN TIME BULLSHIT - I WILL NOT FEEL GUILTY.

“Yes, for an hour.”

“YEEEESSSSS!!!!” they both chant skipping off to their rooms.

I’m about a week in, and let me tell you – I’ve accomplished, hmm, let’s see, nothing. NADA. Like seriously, productivity is plummeting.

I AM WRITING THIS ARTICLE AT 5:30AM WHILE MY KIDS ARE SLEEPING.


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Ya feel me muthas?

I’ve found that if I wake up before dawn, tip-toe down to the coffee maker and hunker down in my room without flushing my bathroom toilet – my kids stay asleep until about 9AM. And I can work.

For a little while.

Sure, we go to the pool. I’m not a total killjoy!

I’m the mom under the umbrella with a lap top, phone, and hot spot device. My phone charger and lap top charger are messily wrapped around my chaise lounge chair. I have my big over-sized, wait for it – reading glasses on! Ta-da! NOT sunglasses. Ugh.


Me attempting to work, watch my kid in the pool and not burn



Summer camps help.

THANK GOD.

But, I probably should’ve lined up childcare in the interim.

Stupidly, I thought in my head, Girl, you GOT this! You can handle it all!

LOLOLOLOL

(Good thing we went to Nonna's ("grandma" in Italian) for 3 weeks, because otherwise I would've made absolutely no money this summer)

Here are 10 Reasons Why Being a Work-At-Home Parent Over the Summer SUCKS

1. You Don’t ACTUALLY Get Work Done. Sure, I’ve got a little done in my 3-ish hours of solitude in the morning.  And the one-ish hour at a pool on a nice day. But it’s all in increments. Picking up where you left off each time is a real challenge for work flow and productivity.

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2. I can’t get a full thought out. It’s mostly all in snippets. It might even be in syllables at this point. Is this article making sense? AM I MAKING ANY DAMN SENSE?!

3. I’m not tan. Everyone else is all sun-kissed and glowy looking. I’m rather sallow looking. I have pasty white legs. I know excessive sun is BAD. Duh. But, I could use a little somethin’. A little pop of color. And NO, my blue ass veins that you can see through my skin do NOT count as color.

4. My phone gets wet. A lot. If I didn’t have to the have the dang thing with me, it wouldn’t get wet. I wouldn’t keep having panic attacks over a stupid, smart phone. If it’s so smart, can’t it get wet without acting crazy??!!

5. I feel guilty ALL of the time. If I have to answer a work e-mail, text or Facebook message in the middle of supposed summer-fun-time, I feel like a jerk. I feel like I’m disappointing my kids.

6. Screen time. It’s a lot. I ain't even gonna lie. I'm gonna own that shit. Tablets and TV’s are the babysitters. I actually don’t care about the amount. I don’t beat myself up over that non-sense. It’s just that by the time I’m ready for a glass of wine, my kids are OVER screen time. They’re bored of it. And I’m like I CAN’T WIN! No wine. *sad emoji face

7. I can’t make plans with other parents. No playdates. No park meetups. Thank GOD my two girls have each other- that’s basically why we had two. To entertain each other.

8. I yell for my kids to be quiet. Or I hide in my closet for conference calls.

9. I’m always looking for coffee.



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Whenever we’re out and about, I’m scanning the roadways for the next coffee shop to fill up. Then, I’m always looking for a bathroom because hello, my bladder ain’t what it used to be.

10. Broke as hell. Seriously. Mama makin' no money. Thankfully I'm a saver.


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Honestly, this whole summer vacation thing feels like harder work than the school year. I’m waking up earlier, going to bed later and churning out about half of the work. I’m constantly checking the calendar. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to mark off the days until my kids go to school.

 And…

“MMAAAAAAMMMAAAA!!!”

Gotta go. They’re up.

How do you handle working from home?!  Share in comments section - cuz seriously - I need tips y'all.

6 comments:

  1. Oh girls I'm WITH you! It's SOOOOOO hard. Hence why I stopped working until August. It's impossible!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I need to do that next time. Just take a friggin' summer hiatus so I can be less stressed out about all the work I'm NOT doing

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  2. Oh yeah, the only way I get through it is to spend all my hard-earned work-from-home-mom cash on overpriced summer camps interspersed with WATCH ALL THE NETFLIX, KIDS, ALLLLL THE NETFLIX

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    Replies
    1. YES!!! LOLOLOLOL. That's hilarious. WATCH ALL THE NETFLIX! I'm so using that line within the next week probably

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  3. I've been trying to do the play dates and work from home. Just like you waking up way too early and going to sleep way too late. It's only half way through summer and I've aged 20 years. I don't think I'll make it to August!

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    Replies
    1. Girl I FEEEEEEL YOU. Holy crap I almost lost it today - my kids overflowed my toilet while I was working and bodily fluids (and solids) were all over my bathroom floor. I was like OMG, WTF???!! I wanted to crawl up in a bawl and beg for my own mama. It was horrifying - I'm like seriously kids just go watch a thousand hours of tv.

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