Actually Childfree People, Moms ARE Busier Than You

Women are claiming and owning their childfree status. They’re taking a stand and telling the world that they don’t want kids or can’t have kids. BRAVA. I’m proud to share this planet with women that do this. Huge kudos, it shows how far we’ve come as women.

Nothin’ but love for ya.

Childfree women are also letting you know they shouldn’t have to explain themselves. Ever. Not to you. Not to me. Not to their parents. To friends. To strangers. And they’re absolutely right, they shouldn’t have to.

Childfree women want to go about their days, without scrutiny over their childfree status. Without someone debating their uteruses. (Fine, UTERI, even though I hate the plural version).


I have solidarity with my non-breeding sisters, and the issues they face, even though I’m a mom. I understand that many childfree women feel misunderstood, mistreated and under-represented. I know they have challenges. There are serious injustices against childfree women.

I’ve been there. I’ve been the single, working gal with no kids. I’ve been the coupled, working-gal with no kids.

As a childfree woman in the workplace, I was often asked to work holidays and longer hours because I didn’t have a family to tend to. I was paid less than parents for the same job, because I didn’t have mouths to feed.

As a childfree young woman in my twenties asking about tubal ligation at the doctor’s office – you would’ve thought I asked how to commit mass murder. I was disregarded and flat out denied. All because I didn’t have a litter and “might regret it later.”

I’ve been the woman told by doctors, “You probably can’t have kids” because of my reproductive condition, Endometriosis. I’ve even been the woman (pre-kids) that has said openly, “I DON’T EVEN WANT KIDS.”

As you can see, that didn’t work out too well for me. Hello 2 kids later! Here’s the obligatory – I love my kids and wouldn’t change it for the world remark. We still cool? Okay, moving on…

I’ve worn many of the hats, heels and dresses that can be worn as a woman. Post kids –I’ve done the stay-at-home gig, the work-at-home gig and the work-outside-the-home job.

In my own tribes and circles, I’ve been mostly understood by my childfree friends. They support me when I gripe about the issues and challenges I face as mother. It’s not all we talk about, because I know better than to talk about snot-nosed brats ad nauseum to any of my friends. There has always been a mutual respect for each other’s lifestyles.

Except for when it comes to this business of who’s busier. Not that this is some type of contest, right? It's not a competition. It's not a battle on the suffer-o-meter.

I’m just saying, if you want to see an eye roll of epic proportions – watch a childfree person tell me they’re busier than a parent. Than me. Better, yet, write about it. Childfree people trying to make their points about why they should be respected through articles and blog posts - I'm totally cool with. Except for when they claim this misguided nonsense, "We're just as busy as parents."

A childfree person cannot possibly purport that they are AS busy as I am, or busier. Nah. No you ain’t. 


This is not a bash fest. I wouldn’t dream in a million years of bragging about my busyness.

Anyone that grew up with a mother in their lives knows how busy moms are. It’s not some made up, fantastical theory the world concocted.

I’m being perfectly blunt, because I find it utterly ridiculous that a childfree person could compare their existence to a mother without knowing what it’s like to actually be a mother.

There are some experiences and existences in life you just simply cannot grasp fully, and cannot begin to judge or make statements on, unless you are indeed that person. Being a minority is one. Being elderly is another. Being a recovering drug addict is another. Being a rape survivor is another. Suffering from mental illness is another. The list goes on. Being a mother is also one of those instances that unless you are one – you can’t compare your life in any way shape or form to one.

Let me make two exceptions of busyness here. If you’re a childfree caretaker of a loved one, and you do not get paid, you may be as busy or more busy than me or any other mother. I also think anyone suffering from a medical illness that plagues them with exhaustion, is inherently more busy and tired than any other person on this entire planet.

Now let me be clear.

Being a nanny doesn’t qualify you to know the motherhood experience. Being a babysitter doesn’t. Being a teacher doesn’t compare to being a mother. Being an auntie or a godmother doesn’t mean you know what it’s truly like to be an actual mother. Having a pet that you leave at home for long periods of time, doesn’t mean you know what it’s like to be a mom.


They can’t compare. Do you do mothering and nurturing things for the people you care about in your life? Maybe you do. It’s mothering in a sense. And I don’t want to take that away from you. There are ways to be a faux parent of sorts to your nieces and nephews. Or to your pets.

But, this isn’t being rude. You’re not a mother. And I’m not a cool, hot, skinny twenty-year old. Okay, it just is what it is.

Here’s why parents are indeed busier than childfree people, in case you need an explanation.

It’s rather simple. I am responsible for more humans than myself. All day. Every day. You are responsible for numero uno.

If the thought of that alone doesn’t mentally exhaust you, then you really are clueless.


If you think worrying about yourself and all of your commitments even to your lover, could possibly be busier than me, or any other mother, you’re delusional.

You’re not only ridiculous to say this, your words are like a slap in the face to mothers and fathers everywhere. Including the ones that raised you.

Every single solitary second I am thinking about the well-being of my children. It is a primal duty. I can’t control it. I can’t turn it off. It is a continuous and RELENTLESS cycle of figurative and literal temperature taking. I am always thinking about my kids’ health, their safety, their emotions. Even their friggin’ fiber intake.

While writing this article, I’ve had hundreds of thoughts about the two other small human beings in my life. Here are some…

Dammit I need to have the kids practice math.
Did I pick up bananas for the kid’s lunches? Milk? 
Who has practice tonight? Who’s going to get kid 1, from point A to point B, and who’s going to pick up the other kid? I’m juggling 4 people’s schedules. FOUR. 
I need to schedule an annual doctor’s check-up for my kid.
I hope the pollen count isn’t too high today, or my kid might need her inhaler. I hope she remembers how I taught her to use it. Or she could DIE.

These are thoughts that reel through my head while I’m working, commuting, exercising, preparing meals, reading a book, etc. All day, every day in some way. And that’s just in 30 seconds. I’m too busy to tell you all of the thoughts I have about my children in 24 hours.

These are not thoughts of an anxiety-ridden person. Or a stereotypical “harried” mom. These are thoughts of a mom at work. A mother commuting to work. A mother exercising, or having after-work cocktails with clients. These are thoughts that a mother has while volunteering or out to dinner with girlfriends. These are the thoughts that hang on the minds of mothers sitting in bed before they sleep at night.

Even my damn sleep is interrupted by thoughts about my children.

I haven’t slept with the same level of ease and wreckless abandon since I had to take care of a kid. I could’ve bitch slapped my pre-kid self for A) complaining about my so-called exhaustion and B) not taking as many naps as possible. 

This is not about invalidating a childfree person's busyness. Or about tearing down the childfree life. Or telling a person without kids that they're not allowed to feel a certain way. It’s not about butting childfree women against mothers.

But, I am telling the childfree women that erroneously believe they are as busy, or busier than parents - that I am 100% positive you are wrong and off your rocker.

The fact that I have to tell you this is like arguing over whether the sky is blue and the earth is flat. It’s bat shit cray cray.

It doesn’t mean I’m better than you. It doesn’t mean I’m holier than you. It doesn’t mean I should get special treatment over you. It just means I am busier than you.

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